How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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