I puked a lego.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
did you just send me my own nude
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
