I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
