Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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