i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
