i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
