My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
