i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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