If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
