I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize