I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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