there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I will be naked everywhere
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
