wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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