At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
