oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
