I want to stick my p in your. b.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize