return my video game
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
