im about as happy as oj after his trial
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
