I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
