i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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