i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
