Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
