Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
