My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
