I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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