I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
