A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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