do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
