Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it was like eating out sand paper
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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