Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
