i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Found the puke drawer
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
