I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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