so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize