i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
