Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i came on her dog
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
