I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
