you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
