I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
