well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
