I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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