Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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