I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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