when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
