dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
