All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
