OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
