He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
