Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
