Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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