This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
