i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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