you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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