AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
