I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
