she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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