thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
