Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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