I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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