Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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