i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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