i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There r osticjed everywhere
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
