so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
