So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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