I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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