it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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