I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
