I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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