Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
