it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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