There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
