remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
