the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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