I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
