how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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