The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize