Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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