So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
