Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize