david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
