Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
