Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Shame is for Republicans.
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