You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
