So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
