bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
