textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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