someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
