soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
