just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I love having hate sex.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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