lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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