I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
