i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
