I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize