All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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