I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
