beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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