i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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