i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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