Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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