im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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