Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
