I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
