i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
