When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
