i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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