Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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