Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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