a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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