I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
