How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
