paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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