was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize