we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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