I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize