Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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